Pondering…

So, I’m sitting here tonight thinking about so many things. After spending time with a group of dreamers over the weekend, hearing stories of people who are working hard to make their dreams a reality – whether it be jobs, hobbies, or something else. And I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve lost touch with my own dreams. You see, about 10 years ago, while working as an elementary teacher, God began to break my heart for the broken, hurting families in my world. I saw children who had parents who loved them, but didn’t know the right ways to show their love. Parents who were so emotionally and mentally hurt by the people in their lives that they took it out on their children or spouse. I saw parents who could never find the good things about their children. And I saw parents who could never see things about their children that needed to be corrected. To be honest, I really didn’t see a lot of healthy, happy families. Sure – there were a few in each class…but the vast majority of families that I saw were dealing with some major hurts.

It was at that time that God began to put a dream in my heart. A dream to help families. To help children. Parents. Spouses. How was I, a single, broke elementary teacher, supposed to help these people?? I knew I didn’t have the right resources. I didn’t have the money. I didn’t have experience as a parent or in a marriage. But what I did have was Jesus…and this dream to help.

Fast forward a couple of years…I quit my teaching job, got married, and kind of forgot about my dream in the process. Then, we started our own family, and I became engrossed in all things Stay-at-Home-Mom. And, I grew further away from my dream.

Then, about 2 1/2 years ago, my husband rediscovered his own dreams. He began writing, encouraging others, and finding the things that truly fulfilled him. He started introducing me to other dreamers…and little flickers of my own dream started to resurface. And that’s where I am tonight. Really starting to look at my dream. Trying to figure out what exactly it is that I want to do with my life. Love my family? YES! Be an awesome wife and mom? Absolutely. But lose myself in the process? No way!! I know God is calling me to help others…but what, exactly, does that mean? Am I to go back to school for a Master’s degree? Start a counseling business? Or am I supposed to write? Simply be a friend to a woman in need of encouragement? Or something totally different?

These are the questions that I’m pondering tonight as I start to look at what I want to do once I’m able to leave my baby at home for more than a couple of hours before he needs fed.

In the Morning When I Rise

Photo by Alejandro Erickson (Creative Commons)

In the morning when I rise

In the morning when I rise

In the morning when I rise

Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus

Give me Jesus

You can have all this world

Give me Jesus

(Give Me Jesus – Fernando Ortega)

Yep…it’s been a LONG time since I last posted. I can’t promise to be a consistent blogger (obviously), but I think I have found a reason to post at least somewhat consistently. This is my story…

For the past 6 months or so, I have been involved in an online community of women who desire to maximize their mornings by waking early enough to spend some quality time studying Scripture, exercising, and even planning out the day. All of this before the kids wake up! Unfortunately, in the past 6 months, I’ve also dealt with the extreme exhaustion of pregnancy in the third trimester, childbirth, and life with a newborn and a three-year-old. Needless to say, I have struggled to wake up earlier than my family. I have done well for a week or two, then fallen behind for a day, week, or month. I am so thankful that this isn’t about me being perfectly consistent…because I am obviously anything but perfectly consistent.

What I have discovered is that on the days when I made my mornings a priority, my entire day seemed to go more smoothly. My daughter was still a three-year-old with all the same fun and challenges as before…but I was more equipped to handle all of it! My house was still a mess…but I wasn’t so stressed about it because I had a plan for working on my mess. My body was still tired, my baby still cried, my days still crazy…but God filled me up each morning with peace, and I was reminded throughout the day that His grace was sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9). I also discovered that on the days that started with my sleeping in til my daughter woke me up, I often woke up cranky, exhausted, and not ready to deal with the day. It took me longer to feel up to the task of parenting, I was resentful of my messes, my temper was shorter, and my day seemed full of chaos.

Why am I telling you this? Because I am going to try again. I have felt the Lord nudging my heart to make my mornings with Him a priority in my my day. I have heard Him calling, and I have decided to answer. So, starting May 6, I will be participating in my third challenge with the Hello Mornings community (HMC). For thirteen weeks (May 6-August 2), I am committing to waking up before my family (or at least before my 3 year old, since the baby is still somewhat inconsistent in his morning waking times). I am committing to spending time each morning reading and studying the book of John, using the Meet Jesus study guide from HMC. I’m telling all of you because I need all the accountability I can get. HMC provides accountability through my online small group (the group I’ve joined is on facebook, but there are also twitter groups available)…but I’m also asking you, my only blog reader, to hold me to this! Ask me about it. Pray for me. Encourage me to write an update every so often about what the Lord is teaching me.

If you’d like to join me in committing to spend time with Jesus, just head over to Hello Mornings to register! Registration is open until Friday May 3…but groups fill up quickly! I am excited to see what path the Lord has in store for me in the next three months, and I hope you will join me!